I know I overthink. I know that I shouldn’t. I know how I should be acting – how I should be thinking. But I can’t help it. It’s a defense mechanism, a trapdoor that guards the possibility of risk from ever entering my life.

It means never encountering a surprise - yet when they inevitably occur, having a default response for exactly that – an event that I cannot guess. It’s having a tunnel system that leads me back up to the surface, no matter which path collapses on me.

Maybe that’s why I love finding that one loophole. Moments in which life is so undoubtedly amazing that my thoughts know they should be shut off in an attempt to achieve what elation should be – pure, untainted.

Moments where I have no need to lunge for the trapdoor – and instead, I embrace risk’s knock at the door like it’s second nature. Because life deserves to be interesting, and living without worry is the definition of such, is it not?

And in those moments, I’m at my most vulnerable.

I become someone completely new. I live without a single care, as if life isn’t dictated by promises and expectations and so so so much pressure.